My Thoughts
Stop Trying to Change People. Here's What Actually Works Instead.
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The bloke sitting across from me in the café yesterday was clearly frustrated. His wife won't exercise. His team won't adopt the new system. His teenager won't listen. Classic case of someone who thinks motivation is like a remote control - just push the right buttons and boom, people change.
Wrong.
After 18 years in organisational development across Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane, I've learnt one fundamental truth: you cannot motivate anyone to change. Period. What you can do is create the conditions where they motivate themselves. Big difference.
The Authority Trap (And Why I Used to Fall Into It)
Most people try to motivate change through authority or logic. "You should do this because..." followed by a laundry list of sensible reasons. I used to do this constantly. Told my team they "needed" to embrace agile methodologies because it would make them more efficient.
Guess what happened? Resistance. Eye rolls. Passive-aggressive compliance at best.
Here's the uncomfortable truth: people don't resist change because they're lazy or stupid. They resist it because you're essentially telling them their current way of doing things is wrong. And nobody likes being told they're wrong, especially by someone who clearly thinks they know better.
What 73% of Successful Change Agents Do Differently
The best change motivators I've worked with - from Telstra's transformation teams to small business owners in regional Queensland - all do something counterintuitive. They start with questions, not statements.
Instead of: "You need to improve your customer service approach." Try: "What's working well with your current customer interactions? What's frustrating you?"
The person discovers the need for change themselves. Revolutionary concept, right?
I once worked with a manufacturing company where the floor supervisor was dead set against a new safety protocol. Instead of pushing harder, I asked him what worried him most about workplace accidents. Turns out his brother had been injured in a similar facility. Once he connected the new protocol to protecting his team, he became the biggest advocate.
The Three Pillars That Actually Work
Pillar 1: Make it Their Idea
People support what they help create. When someone says "I think we should try..." instead of "You told me to...", you've won half the battle. This means asking more questions and making fewer declarations.
Smart managers don't announce changes. They facilitate discovery sessions where the team identifies problems and proposes solutions. The manager's job becomes supporting their ideas, not selling their own.
Pillar 2: Connect to Personal Values
Everyone's driven by something different. For some it's recognition, others security, some want growth opportunities. Your job is to figure out what matters to them and show how the change aligns with that.
I remember trying to get a sales team to use a new CRM system. The logical argument about efficiency fell flat. But when I showed the top performer how it would help him track his path to the leadership role he wanted? Game changer.
Pillar 3: Start Ridiculously Small
We overestimate what we can achieve in a day and underestimate what we can achieve in a year. Most change efforts fail because they're too ambitious upfront.
Want someone to exercise more? Don't suggest an hour at the gym. Suggest they take the stairs instead of the lift. Want your team to communicate better? Don't implement a complex feedback system. Start with one question at the end of each meeting: "What went well today?"
Small wins create momentum. Momentum creates confidence. Confidence enables bigger changes.
The Patience Problem
Here's where most people stuff it up: they want immediate results. Change is slow. Messy. Non-linear.
I've seen brilliant strategies fail because the leader got impatient after two weeks. Real change - the kind that sticks - takes months, sometimes years. If you're not prepared for that timeline, don't start.
This is particularly true in Australian workplace culture where we value authenticity over flash. People can smell insincerity from kilometres away. If you're just going through the motions to tick a box, they'll know.
When It Goes Wrong (And It Will)
Sometimes people simply won't change, no matter how brilliant your approach. I learned this the hard way with a project manager who refused to delegate. Despite understanding the benefits, connecting it to his career goals, and starting small, he couldn't let go of control.
The mistake I made? Continuing to push when I should have accepted the reality and worked around it.
Not everyone will change. Some people are genuinely happy with their current situation. Others have constraints you don't understand. Your job isn't to force change - it's to offer the opportunity and respect their decision.
The Authenticity Factor
People change for people they trust. Period. If you haven't invested in the relationship first, your attempts at motivation will feel manipulative.
This means actually caring about the person, not just the outcome you want. It means admitting when you're wrong. It means being vulnerable about your own struggles with change.
Last month I had to completely reverse a decision I'd made about team restructuring. Instead of doubling down, I called a team meeting and said: "I got this wrong. Here's what I learned. What do you think we should do instead?"
That moment of honesty did more for my credibility than six months of being "right" would have achieved.
The Bottom Line
Stop trying to motivate change in others. Start creating environments where they can motivate themselves. Ask better questions. Listen to the answers. Connect change to their values, not yours. Start small. Be patient. Be genuine.
Most importantly, managing difficult conversations isn't about winning arguments - it's about understanding perspectives.
Will this approach work every time? Nope. But it works far more often than the command-and-control alternative. And when it does work, the change actually sticks.
Because the best kind of change is the kind people choose for themselves.